So it feels like another day,

As titled, it feels like another day, depression, sadness, discomfort, regrets, it feels like today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year yet it seems like nothing anyone does is breaking me out of this depression. I am thankful for the gifts others have given me but I just feel like so much is missing from my life today like there's really no meaning to the day of Christmas anymore to me. I wanted to spend the day with family have a fun enjoyful evening but instead I'm in my room right now just wanting to vent out how I feel. Music is on seems like that's the only thing I want to listen to beside anyone. I just miss having the meaning of Christmas being what it used to be. There's no meaning to the day anymore to me. Call me Scrooge but it's true. I wanted to be around both families and didn't, I only get to see my moms family once a year unless there's a death or some other occasion going on which is rarely. I hate pretending that days could get better when really they tend to be like a rollercoster ride; there is more downfalls in my life right now than highlights which to me is very depressing to me. I don't want to kill myself but then again I wish something horrible would happen, like something tragic just so then everyone could come to the realization of what is really important in life. I had fun at my friend Jorge's family house but then at the same time it didn't feel like Christmas non of the less. Well I don't feel like really writing anymore so I'm just going to go for now.

So Life Comes Down To This

So it seems in the worst of times how there might never be someone there at that exact moment to pick you up and help you rise, but I've notice you need to fall to be grateful for the little things that happen to you. About two years ago I received a rock and on it was engraved, "FRIENDS" and most of my life I've known that friends are the ones that have been there for me. But lately it has changed friends are also my family and that whenever things have turned out for the worst they have always been there without knowing anything to bring me up from a dark asylum. I have known some of these people for not too long but let me say this that within the short time I have known them it has felt like years of memories. I don't know what to really say but thank you. I have always used my blogger account to write down my thoughts like a diary since I know really no one goes on it. But now I have it linked to other social networks and frankly I don't mind what people think cause just like the title, it's what you get. I have always relied on family for finical issues but when it comes to other things that you just can't buy it's priceless. I see these friends as family and nothing less. Family is whatever you make of it and not only blood deserves to be part of it because honestly, blood relatives sometimes just don't care for you and treat you like you don't even exist. I listen to music now a days to express myself and also write my own music, I love the feeling of my own touch upon my face because I know that when I'm still alive I know there is still a will for me and a purpose for me to live. Three years ago I tried to take my life away and found strength in my religion to help me through those dark days. Now I pray from time to time for those that need my prayers but I know by the works of god that someone is always praying for me. I regret what I have done in the past to some people but there's no point in killing myself with something I can not change. I've always said that if I had the opportunity to change the past and alter it I wouldn't because I might not be 100% content with how things are but for the things and people I have right now I would never want that to be altered so I wouldn't change a thing. Life happens for a reason and now I know why. Listening to paramore on pandora, lol, funny how I hear something not modern but still it brings so much out of me. I really want to write more but running out of things to write. So with that being said adios. Farewell. Good Bye.